Marriage is very seldom plain sailing, and successfully navigating finances together can be incredibly difficult. In fact, money problems are often what trips a couple up and cause the most amount of friction in a relationship. While every marriage is different, there are steps couples can take to increase their chances of managing their money effectively. In this article, we explore several financial fundamentals for married couples to consider:
Commit to honesty and transparency
Financial fidelity forms the foundation of your financial journey together, so protect it at all costs. Commit to being fully open and honest with each other about your finances, whatever circumstances you may find yourself in. Even ‘little white lies’ – such as hiding a purchase, keeping a secret bank account, or lying about your debt levels – have a way of being exposed, and when they are, trust is invariably broken. Having said that, keep in mind that both partners are responsible for creating an environment in which money can be discussed without judgement or fear of being attacked. If necessary, schedule a regular meeting to discuss the joint finances, set up an agenda, and agree to the ground rules for the discussions.
- ‘Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess.’ – Josh Billings
Set boundaries
Setting financial boundaries when it comes to family and friends is a difficult but essential task for all couples to undertake. Boundaries are a mechanism to protect your relationship against the unrealistic demands of others which can adversely affect your financial future, and the sooner you put them in place, the better. Whether it’s in the form of family members asking for loans, friends taking advantage of your generosity, or friends not paying their own way, the absence of boundaries can create pent-up resentment in your relationship – with the only potential casualty being your relationship. The only people who resent boundaries being put up are those who are already overstepping the mark, so be intentional about setting up boundaries and standing by them.
- ‘When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.’– Brené Brown
Provide for each other financially
Marriage creates a legal duty of support between two spouses, and this duty continues after death. While you are still building your wealth, you may need to use long-term insurance cover to provide for each financially in the event of the premature death of either spouse. The level of cover you would each require depends on several factors, such as your debt levels, income, number of children, monthly living expenses, the cost of future education for your children and your retirement funding position. The idea is to provide each other with peace of mind that, should tragedy strike, the surviving spouse would be left in a financially secure position.
- ‘Family preparedness has been a long-established welfare principle.’ – Ezra Taft Benson
Structure your banking
There is no right or wrong way to set up your bank accounts as a married couple. The ‘right’ way is whatever works for you and your particular set of circumstances. Generally speaking, it makes logistical sense for each spouse to have their own bank account into which their salaries can be paid. Some couples find it convenient to operate a joint credit card which is then used to centralise transactions.
- ‘Unity is strength. When there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.’ – Mattie Stepanek
Allocate roles and responsibilities
While there’s often a natural tendency for one spouse to take on a greater money management role within the relationship, this can lead to problems later on. Not being involved in the finances can leave you in a vulnerable position should your spouse die or become incapacitated. To mitigate this risk, ensure that you shoulder the burden of managing the finances jointly and, if necessary, allocate roles and responsibilities to each other to ensure that nothing falls through the gaps. Further, don’t assume that your partner is happy to shoulder the burden alone. They may very well feel abandoned, stressed and resentful at having to manage the finances alone.
- ‘Couples who work together on finances, win together.’ – Angela K. Love
Make decisions together
As business partners would consult with each other before making big decisions, ensure that you consult with each other on important money matters. Remember, it’s unrealistic to expect your spouse to share in the financial responsibility if he/she hasn’t been consulted in the process. Learning to discuss and make joint decisions is not as easy as it sounds, and invariably requires compromise on both parts. Be intentional about creating a trusted space for discussion and debate – and remember that compromise works both ways.
- ‘The best teamwork comes from men who are working independently toward one goal in unison.’ – James Cash Penney
Plan for emergencies
Tragedies can happen in the blink of an eye and, if you’re not prepared for an emergency, things can go awry quickly. Consider collating an ‘in case of emergency’ file to ensure that you and your spouse have access to critical information in the event of a medical emergency or accident. The file should include important information such as bank account login details, cell phone access, safe codes, important passwords, and any other information that the other spouse would need to continue managing the household finances.
- ‘By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.’ – Benjamin Franklin
Structure your estates
An estate plan is designed to ensure that while you are alive, your assets are structured in the most appropriate, tax-efficient way and that, upon your death, those assets devolve on the intended heirs. In the absence of an estate plan, your deceased estate may be faced with unexpected costs which, in turn, could jeopardise the inheritance intended for your loved ones.
- ‘Estate planning is an important and everlasting gift you can give your family. And setting up a smooth inheritance isn’t as hard as you might think.’ – Suze Orman
Have a will
Take time as a couple to ensure that you have wills in place and that your wills accurately reflect your respective wishes. While you may not fully appreciate it while you’re alive, the heartache and frustration experienced by those surviving a spouse dying intestate are devastating. Invariably, the surviving spouse questions why her partner never took the time to draft a will, live in doubt about their final wishes, and experiences anger at having been left with an administrative nightmare. Drafting a will is an act of love.
- ‘A will can save one’s family from being put into a quagmired pit of legal conundrum, in case of death.’ – Henrietta Newton Martin
Keep your financial affairs private
Unless otherwise agreed upon, keep your joint financial affairs private and work hard to protect that privacy. Discussing your financial affairs with friends and family may be perceived as an open invitation for them to become involved in your finances, or to pass judgement on your lifestyle and lifestyle choices.
- ‘Money is an opportunity to reach unity in marriage. When couples work together, they can do anything.’ – Dave Ramsey
Save for the future
Saving towards a common set of goals can be hugely rewarding as a couple but ensure that your goals are aligned and that one spouse’s goals are not being compromised or put aside in favour of the other. Saving is much easier if you’re both excited about the goal you are working towards so keep communicating, sharing, and working to find common ground in terms of your joint financial future.
- ‘It’s not how much you make each month that matters — it’s how much you save along with the flexibility and time outside work that you have.’ – Francis Shenstone
Have a wonderful day.
Sue
